Weakest of Them All.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the weakest of them all? ME! pick me! okay, so that isn't exactly how the fairy tale goes but none the less I am quite the weakling & as of late, I am not afraid to admit it.

As many of you know, I am tiny. I am under 5 feet tall and less than 100 lbs. So physically, I am weak. I have no endurance when it comes to running & I am planning on working on that. Currently though I have trouble running even 1 mile. I'll admit that for my size I am not too shabby but none the less, I am weak. I am not talking about physical weakness, I am talking about mental & emotional weakness.

You might ask why in the world I'd be so adamant in proclaiming my weakness. It isn't something to be proud of, right? Wrong. Up until today I would have not been so loud about my weaknesses but I have discovered a new light that has taken me to a whole other level of thinking.

Here I am in Walla Walla, WA. Just as American of a town as Asheville, NC or Collegedale, TN.  Although I didn't leave the country or venture off into the jungles this still was a HUGE step in my life. I have an anxiety disorder. I am a mommy & daddy's girl and I am afraid of pretty much all things under the sun. Going across the country to me was as big a step as any. I am weak. I had to leave a university because I could not handle the emotional turmoil I was being dragged through. I had to go home to recharge & renew my mind. I would have never guessed that my next step in life would be so far from home. I remember struggling to walk the halls of a school when I was only 12 because I was afraid to be so far from home and this school was less than a mile from my house. Does that make any sense? No, it doesn't. Which is why I can attest to the fact that I am in fact very very weak. I left home and attended boarding school at the young age of 14. It wasn't easy, I remember some nights that I'd wake up in a crazy panic attack. I'd take my phone and walk to the bathroom where I'd call my parents & beg them to come rescue me from my dismay. I graduated from the same school in 2009 where I boarded 3 of the 4 years. To tell you that I was able to accomplish all of that on my own would be a bold faced lie because I am weak. 


The places God has taken me, the journeys He has allowed me the strength to pursue are beyond my wildest dreams. I am a living testimony that in my weakness, His power is made perfect. 


I am emotional and for awhile I was ashamed of it. I was told by someone dear to me that I was too emotional. I am passionate & I wear my heart on my sleeve. These are all weaknesses. I am so weak. God is SO strong.

It wasn't until this morning as I was reading in my devotional that I realized how blessed I was in my weakness. My fragility enables me to lean on Christ in a way that not everyone else can. I NEED HIM. I can not accomplish much without Him. All that I am, I owe to Him. I empathize with Paul as he writes, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong". Amen & amen.


You don't know how liberating it is to boast about one's weaknesses. How much joy it brings to my heart to know that through God I am strong but only through Him. I am vulnerable to Him. So envision me on a top of a mountain screaming from the top of my lungs "I AM WEAK! but in Christ, I AM STRONG!". Praise God! a million times over PRAISE PRAISE GOD!