"There is Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself"

How is that a comforting thought? Usually when someone is scared of something someone will tell them that and it is suppose to make them feel better but with me, it doesn't work. Why? Because my biggest fear is in fact; FEAR. I know that sounds crazy and it is. I struggle with the fear of fear. I hate panic attacks and I hate putting myself in situations where I will have one. Sadly, this handicaps me in many areas. I don't think people understand how powerful the mind truly is. I have a clear understanding of it because often times my mind will make me feel things that otherwise I shouldn't feel. The racing of my heart, palms sweating, fingers grasping, teeth clenching, and shortness of breath feeling that seems to last a life time when in reality it only lasts 15 minutes or so till I am finally in my right mind again. In those short moments of time I am in my own head reasoning with myself and trying to assure myself that I in fact am safe.

The truth is that not many people can understand this irrational fear because it is in fact irrational. I am sane enough to realize that when I am not in the moment of panic. Why am I writing about this? Well, because it is a huge part of my life. Sometimes I am amazed at how far I have come and the places God has taken me in spite of my anxiety. Other times I am in despair at how much this irrationality consumes my life and how much I wish I was different...or rather, normal. I know God has a plan for my life and there are much worse things that one can encounter but I confess that at times it is hard to see the bigger picture.

The bigger picture of the fact that my every moment is a delicate teeter totting dependency on God's spirit of peace in my mind. That my "handicap" allows me to clench tightly to God because without Him every new experience is a struggle. The bigger picture that He has given me the courage to do things that I never thought were possible with my weak mind. Why is it so easy to doubt Him even after all that He has allowed me to do in my life? People don't understand how the nation of Israel could have possibly left God time after time when He was so evident in their journey...yet I think it is safe to say we do it all the time. What a beautiful God we serve. He is there patiently guiding us along no matter how often we doubt His magnificent power and care for us. I have such a hard time trusting and letting go but in the end it is the only thing that works. He has brought me so far and still I doubt the safety of the next step.

How could Thomas have doubted? How could Israel turn away so many times? How could the Pharisees see Him and still not believe?

I think it is easier then we'd like to think. My prayer is that God will be patient with my trying heart. That He will continue to lead me and guide me even if I am afraid. That He will give me the peace that only He can give me. I pray that through all my fears His strength will be perfected. I pray that I will be a living testimony of what He can accomplish in any life that surrenders to Him. God, use me! Take me to the places you want me to go and give me the strength to follow. I need You and that is the solemn truth.

I'll be home for Christmas.

I know what God has planned for me to be. I have always known. Even when I was a little girl and I would line up my stuff animals and teach them. I still remember an activity my second grade teacher had us do because I told myself that I would one day do it in my own classroom. Still, there is no feeling like the one when you are finally doing a little bit of what you were meant to do and it feels so right. I feel blessed to know what I want to do with my life. I only hope that I can bring honor & glory to God's name through it. I have had so much fun these past couple of months working with the youth of Walla Walla but it was last night when I felt like I was doing what I have been created to do. We are planning leadership night with the Jr. High group and they will be leading out the worship service. I had so much fun practicing with them and leading them in their practice. I also had a blast this week when we visited the nursing homes. I think the kids really enjoyed themselves and I know the residents loved our company. I am so thankful for the staff I work with. They are all such amazing individuals who care so much about God and the kids. They inspire me and have become my closest friends here in Walla Walla. Each of them are very different from the rest but equally as wonderful.

Jr. high group at the Eagle Springs nursing home

On another note, Christmas is here! Betsy has put up all the decorations and the house is just transcending with holiday cheer. She even lent me a little Christmas tree to put in my room. I love Christmas! The lights, the food, the crisp air, the songs, & the joy. I also have a special treat this Christmas by finally visiting my home in Asheville. I almost wish that I could be two places in once, I'd like to experience a Walla Walla Christmas. There is no place like home though and I can't wait to be with my family. I am blessed with so much love in both areas of the country. I'll be flying home all by myself! It'll be my first flight alone and I know that I am a "big girl" now but I am still a little nervous about it. I know it'll be fine though and I think my desperation to see my family & friends out weighs my worry.

Getting as Close to Heaven as Possible.

I finally went to the WINDMILLS! I had been wanting to go so badly ever since I arrived in Walla Walla. Hannah & I ventured off to the land of the windmills super stoked! My little Saturn had the hardest time on the dirt road that led up to them but it made it eventually.

 The views along the way were so amazing!

We had to stop a couple of times to take in the views. 

We did arrive to the actual windmills eventually and they were everything I had hoped they'd be. Okay, maybe to other people they wouldn't be that thrilling but I found them super enchanting and they were HUGE! 

we also found some tumble weeds & couldn't resist rolling them around. 

It was so much fun and as expected, super windy.

When we got back in the car our hair was a bit wind blown...

I admit that this is not our best look.

I can't wait to go again. It truly was so peaceful up there!

My Restless Soul.

Lately my soul has been extra sensitive to the world around me--the pain, the hurt, the desperation. I know that there are so many people out there who are alone and empty. I want to do more! I just don't know what I can do. I feel overwhelmed by all that I should be doing but instead of going out and making a difference, I just drown in the confusion of what my first step should be. I mean, technically I am taking a year off to be "student missionary" but I still feel like I could be doing SO MUCH MORE. My heart has always been for the children of the world--always. Even when I was a child-I just have a place for them. There are so many children who are alone and unloved that I want to reach out and love! I want to travel to all parts of the world and do all that I can. God is coming soon and I am afraid I am not doing my part. I know we can't gain salvation by works but I can't help but feel the need to do more in order to fulfill my purpose on this Earth. I am SO blessed! I feel guilty about having so much when so many have nothing. My heart aches for all those who are cold, on the streets, hungry. I feel a stirring in my body to move and love but I still am motionless. God, please give me the avenues to Your people! Help me to make a difference. I don't want this restlessness to leave me, I don't want to become comfortable. Don't let me become comfortable. Where can I serve!? Give me the energy and the courage to go where You lead me!

Something Greater.

a lost identity. Through out my life I have encountered people that have taken the time to go "find themselves". I have always scoffed at the idea of "finding oneself" but it is starting to become a little more clear to me why people feel this need. In a world so populated with people and with so much love I often can feel very alone. No place I go ever feels exactly right even if I know it is where God intends me to be. There is always a little something missing. We struggle to belong through our clothing, music, character, etc. We figure if we just had that "one more thing" we'd finally belong. Sometimes I become SO overwhelmed with everything that I just want to run off to an island or to Africa or somewhere away from everything I know. I know that a lot of people get this feeling from time to time. I was wondering just yesterday though what where to happen if I actually did get away. Would my burdens follow me? I honestly don't think it'd solve the real issue. I need to live a life of peace and good will no matter where I am in the world. That being said though, I do not want to ever feel completely comfortable where I am. I don't think I will...but I am seeing now that I am better off not feeling this way. This is why--we shouldn't feel at home in this world. We weren't meant to live in this place. Something will always be missing. We were meant to dwell with God and have a unearthly intimacy with Him. Nothing should fill that void or longing. I don't ever want to be content with this life. I want to constantly be struggling against it--at peace but not to the point where I forget that I am not suppose to stay here. No matter where I go things will always be complicated, uneasy, and beautiful. Because in that struggle I see that I am destined for something greater then what this world can offer. Just give me Jesus.

A Window to My Soul.

I am an open book! I wear my heart on my sleeve & unfortunately this can often be a fault rather then a strength. I try to be more mysterious and keep my thoughts to myself but then I let my guard down for two seconds and my whole life is spilled out like a huge grape juice stain on a white shirt. I just can't help it! My face is full of expressions. This blog is another avenue of me and a sure window to my soul. I don't know if anyone reads it or not but regardless here it is. I just ask that if you are in fact reading my blog, don't mind the imperfections and errors. The ramblings of a creation still in the making by a patient and merciful Creator. As you peer into my soul don't mind the mess.

I miss my family. There is a certain level of intimacy that can only be reached by your family or another means which I am not in possession of at this moment. I yearn for a hug or closeness that only can be acquired through them. I know I will be seeing them soon & I can't wait. The smell of my mom's cooking and the taste of it! I hadn't realized how different my holiday food was from the norm until I was in college. I love it! Plantains, yucca, rice, beans, & so much more. It'll be so strange not being with my family for Thanksgiving this year. I miss my brother's goofy sense of humor and his constant "high-fives" that drive me insane. I miss my dad's patience and devotion to all of us. Watching him take such good care of the garden, animals, & us. He is so loving! Everything grows and flourishes under his leadership and care. I miss my adorable "little star", Marcelino. The sweetest and most devoted cat in the whole world. I can't wait to hug him! I miss the Asheville mountain views that are splashed with reds, yellows, & oranges during this time of year. I miss the cozy little churches my dad pastors that are so full of love & quaintness.

I love how versatile our God is! Even in the way He shows His love and His character. Through the different seasons, through music, through nature, through mankind, and I am sure there are more. We try so hard to put Him in a box and label Him but He is so much bigger then our minds could ever hope to dream or comprehend. It'll take an eternity to truly know God and one day I hope to do that exact thing. Even in this sin filled world there is SO much beauty! Can you imagine how beautiful a perfect sinless world must be? I can't. On this earth there are already so many incredible things. I crave the natural beauty! The places I want to travel are endless. I just can't get enough of the splendor. I just want to soak it all in. I hope one day I will have the opportunity to travel to all these places I see in pictures. My eyes just can't get enough of pretty things--flowers, trees, mountains, & more! So many different types of each one. It makes me crazy with desire to experience it all. From the simplest to the most complex--they all hold their own enchantment. I love it.

I was trying to fall asleep and all I could think about were all these things. I figured it'd help if I wrote it all out and got it out of my head. We serve such an incredible God. I wish I could wrap myself in His arms and just marvel at His majesty. I have to wait awhile to do that though. He has blessed me so much & I just can't imagine my life without having known Him. It'd be so empty. I have to struggle constantly against putting Him into a box and not allowing Him to expand my ideals and life. He is so good to me.

October.

I LOVE FALL! I know a lot of people do but I am here to claim that I love it the most. I get this swelled up feeling in my chest--do you know what I mean? I become all giddy & emotional! Everything is just so much fun. All the activities-camping, hayrides, corn mazes, apple cider/hot chocolate, pumpkins/pumpkin carving (which I have yet to do), fall festivals, barn parties, square dancing, & the list can just keep on going. Isn't it fantastic? I miss the Asheville colors & mountains though. I don't know if Walla Walla will get as colorful as Asheville. I sure hope so because there is nothing better than the fall colors. Autumn even has a smell and a feel to it. The chill in the air, the sweaters. oh my lands! I can't contain myself. I just want to wrap it all up and put it in a jar for whenever I am "homesick" for fall.

Falling For You, My Dear Walla Walla.

I am truly falling for WA! I love it here. The people, the places, the opportunities! I know there are days when I really miss my family & loved ones back home but over all I know that God brought me here, my heart is at peace.

I don't know where my next adventure will be, but I know that my life is safely tucked away in God's heart and no matter where I end up, I'll be okay. I am crossing my fingers & silently hoping that my journey here will not end in 9 months though. Walla Walla is such a sleepy little town but at the same time holds so much charm of it's own. Of course just like any other place--it is the people that make is so wonderful. Everyone has been so loving & open to me. The staff I work with in the church are awesome. I feel so comfortable with each of them and they all work so hard. Some of them I feel as if I have known them my whole life! I can't believe I have only been here a few months and at the same time I can't believe how much times has flown by. Isn't that funny how you can feel two complete opposite ways at once?!

The experiences I have had in these past few months have been FANTASTIC! Marine Biology trip, Senior Survival, rock climbing, the fair, antique shops, etc. It only makes me more hungry for adventures! My list of places to go just keeps getting longer, longer, & longer. My life just feels so full of possibilities! I love it.

I am just so full of joy. I am not saying that I haven't had my obstacles and that there aren't days when I feel alone or too far from home but I am just SO ENTIRELY BLESSED!

so this is my ode to Walla Walla, WA & all of the beauty it has brought into my life.

Beauty.

I just watched Ever After and cried like a baby! Now I am afraid this blog might be too sentimental as an outcome of my post-fairy tale mood. I don't usually cry in movies, just once in a blue moon & when I do it actually feels very liberating. Today I attended Walla Walla's week of prayer and Alex Bryan did a moving talk about beauty. You see, this whole week he has been talking about "hints" of God's existence and today's was the hint of our appreciation of beauty. There was an incredible performance of the song "The Prayer", it was breath taking. I have never had the privilege of going to an opera or a concert with that type of music but now I know why people cry at concerts like those. I got chills & tears as I heard them sing. It was magnificent and definitely beautiful. I really wanted to blog about it because it was my first time ever feeling so moved by a performance and I want to remember it forever--which is easier to do when you write about it. Anyways, that wasn't the only part that was awe-inspiring, there was also the last 3 minutes of the sermon where he showed a video of the Apollo crew that first saw the "earth rise". WOW! incredible. All in all today has been such a romantic day and by romantic I don't mean in the way that most would think. I didn't find a boyfriend or even a hint of one, no one bought me roses or swept me off the floor with some doting compliment, most of the day I was alone actually. I was romanced by God. That sounds cheesy, but it is none the less true. He is the best romancer of them all. He knows my heart like no one else does, not even myself. He loves me and when I say love, I mean it in the truest & noblest sense. A love that no one else has been able to out do in my life. I don't know why I have given my heart away so carelessly in the past when someone so incredible has been waiting all along for me to give it to Him first. I guess that is what makes Him so deserving. He has waited patiently all my life for me to give it to Him. You see, God doesn't steal hearts...He is too much of a gentleman for that. He silently waits by as you blindly give it away to the people that will hurt it most because He would never force anything upon you. He is jealous for me. He adores me. He formed me as delicately as an artist paints a canvass. And while I ignore His pleas He waits patiently till I finally reflect & notice that He has been romancing me all the day long. He is perfect. How could I have been so naive to think that this love could have been found anywhere else? He doesn't care where I have been or what I can do for Him. All He wants is my happiness. He wants me to be joyful & to see all that He has done for me.

There is an awesome quote that I once heard, "Honestly, if you aren't willing to sound stupid then you don't deserve to be in love"--so at the risk of sounding very stupid...here is my love letter. Again, maybe this shouldn't be in public form but I think He deserves at the least this...


My Dearest God,


You have been here from the very beginning. You loved me before I was even a thought. All my life You have carefully guided my steps and patiently watched as I occasionally choose the wrong path. You then held me close as I ached over other loves that stole me away from You. You are the most devote friend. There is no one else like You. All that is good in me I owe to You. Without You, I am nothing--just dust. My every breath should be a praise to You and all that You are. My every move is a dance for all that You have done & continue to do in me. I am so sorry for all the times that I have let you down and will again in the future. I have longed for someone to sit next to me as I watched sunsets or gazed at stars not even considering the One who painted these beautiful views for me to admire in the first place. How could I forget You so easily when You are so much a part of everything?  I am in awe at all that You are capable of, God! Those majestic views that I witnessed as I drove across the country are more magnificent than anything anyone could ever hope to create. The Grand Tetons, the wheat fields, the endless plains, & the trees that seem to be reaching for the heavens--they are all testaments of Your endless love. Please guard my heart, sweet lover of my soul. Guard it even from me. I give all that I am to You. Every bit of me! You deserve so much more than just that. Please help me to love You as much as You love me. Open my eyes to all that You are in my life & all that You do for me every day. Let me see Your beauty. Help me to show others Your beauty.


With all the Love You have given me to give, 
Eileen 

Don't Just Survive, Live.

SENIOR SURVIVAL. I just got back from a week in the great outdoors--it was truly amazing! there is nothing better than sleeping in the woods especially when it is chilly and you can cozy up in your warm sleeping bag. I loved it! I had the amazing opportunity to be one of the counselors for the senior class at WWVA on their trip. I had prayed that I'd get the right girls in my group and that God would lead the entire time we were there. He definitely answered my prayers. I feel so blessed to have been able to share this experience with them. Our day consisted of cooking, initiative activities, cleaning, walking, & learning out to "survive". 

My group & I sure shared some hilarious moments together. Each girl had their own little quirks that made everything so much more fun. I had the pleasure of falling asleep to the sounds of my groups screams as they scurried away spiders and any other type of bugs until they finally fell asleep themselves. They were notorious for screaming the night away and I would just smile to myself as I was laying in my tent while they were freaking out and laughing/screaming over their misfortunes. That might sound cruel but it was a part of their experience in the woods and I didn't want to rob them of it. haha! I was tempted to get up and "save the day" but they survived the nights and all made it safely back to Walla Walla. My favorite night was when I heard the girl who was most afraid of the spiders stop everybody and say "Let's pray"! Everyone was quite as she said a prayer of protection for them. I admit that I would check my sleeping bag and tent every night before I crawled in myself to make sure there weren't any creatures. I also would be praying as I was smiling listening to them that God would indeed protect them from the spiders and let them fall asleep in peace. Although they only would find daddy long legs, which are harmless, they very well could have had the awful luck of being bitten by a black widow or some other type of seriously dangerous spider. That would have sucked!


Another one of my favorite daily rituals was morning worships. I enjoyed sharing with them and letting God speak as we joined together to really think about what He would want us to become, where He has led, etc. 
I had the pleasure of observing/participating in a number of activities the seniors went through as their "survival" experiences. Eating crickets, avoiding muddy waters & failing miserably, scaling walls, & trust falls. I sure hope they realize how insanely awesome this trip was and that they will remember all the cool things they learned during it.

Each afternoon they had a class with a man who would teach them how to build fires, find their way with compass, the usual woodsy stuff. One afternoon he had us walk through the woods and observe all the things around us. Focus on what we saw, smelled, felt, and heighten our senses to the outside world. It was a beautiful experience and so simple yet we often just brisk through life unaware of the creation around us, even when it is as obvious as it is in the woods. He then explained that surviving was doing the bare minimum in life. Doing what you absolutely had to do in order to make it out of an experience alive. He said how we so often "survive" on a day to day basis instead of truly living. WOW! how true is that? Surviving through high school, surviving a boring job, surviving college, and so on instead of really doing the best you can do and really living your life to the fullest potential. What a challenge! It seems so simple yet how many of us do it?

I pray that God will help me live these 9 months here in Walla Walla and not just survive them. I already feel that He has led me SO much these past few months. My life has been an ever changing adventure & I am so blessed to be where I am today. I know I have said this before but I wouldn't be where I am today if the things I had hoped for in the past had come true and honestly, this is WAY BETTER than the things I had hoped for. As Joseph Campbell said, ‎"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us"!


All in all this past week was beyond grand & I am so glad that I got to go. I can't wait till I get to go camping again. I praise God for each of the girls that were in my glorious GROUP 3! I am looking forward to doing more things together with them and getting to know them even better. 

the honey bees! 

Rosario, WA

Marine Biology-I have never really taken the time to think about it. I love the ocean & the beautiful creatures found in the ocean but I have never taken the time to reflect on the science of it. None the less I found myself on the WWVA Marine Biology Trip this past weekend. It was an amazing experience. I have been praying for God to open up opportunities for me to get to know the students at the academy better and He definitely provided.

I also go to see some INCREDIBLE beauty and finally was able to visit the city of Seattle. I had some fantastic experiences there and created some wonderful memories.

We started off by visiting the beloved Rosario Beach. I say "beloved" because I have heard so many wonderful things about this place. It holds a special place in a lot of people's hearts and therefore had an extra element to it besides it's unbelievable beauty. 

awe-inspiring. I couldn't take enough pictures. The most magical part of this place was that the beauty didn't stop here, you also had to search for it. In the rocks, tidal pools, & crevices you found life! All these different creatures that you had only seen on the discovery channel or behind glass in the aquarium in their natural habitats. 

I hope nobody took this part of the trip for granted, although it wasn't the most "exciting" it definitely had a charm all of it's own. Seattle was so much fun! I can't wait to visit it again and get to know more about it. We were blessed with a sunny and warm day rather than the rainy norm of Seattle life. The aquarium was great but after seeing the creatures in their own homes I was kind of over it. The real beauty of Seattle I feel was found in Pike's Market. 

It was alive & fresh! There were people all around you and smells from every dimension. The colors were vivid! The flowers were breath taking and everywhere. Honey sticks, ice cream, peach samples, chocolate pasta, & sharks were a few of the things I encountered at the market. I couldn't get enough of it all. I wanted to take pictures of every stand and every person. Unfortunately, that is not possible. I did my best though to capture enough of the market to sustain me till I could visit again. 

The group I went with were so much fun & knew a lot about the city so they had no problem showing me some of the best places. Like the Gum Wall for instance...definitely something a city should be proud of! haha! no, seriously, it was really really cool.

We ended the day welcoming the Sabbath at the edge of Seattle where we were blessed with a gorgeous sunset over the water. Nothing better than a sunset to make you feel that your day was a plethora of beauty!

We had the chance of having church service at Rosario Beach and then going on a steep mountain hike in the afternoon. Seriously, the whole trip wouldn't have been nearly as fun if it wasn't with the group that I went with. They were a blast!

WWVA Marine Biology Class & Mrs. Saturno-awesome group!

Hilarious moments include; reenacting SNL skits with Adam, interacting with begging hippies, having Robyn flip out in the middle of the night because she saw a bug, off-roading with a school bus, buying a peach for a picture, repeatedly getting called "short stuff", otters playing, & peanuts walking in central park.

Praise God for good times, new places, & unfathomable beauty here even on this corrupt earth. I can't imagine how magnificent heaven's beaches are going to be. 

Weakest of Them All.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the weakest of them all? ME! pick me! okay, so that isn't exactly how the fairy tale goes but none the less I am quite the weakling & as of late, I am not afraid to admit it.

As many of you know, I am tiny. I am under 5 feet tall and less than 100 lbs. So physically, I am weak. I have no endurance when it comes to running & I am planning on working on that. Currently though I have trouble running even 1 mile. I'll admit that for my size I am not too shabby but none the less, I am weak. I am not talking about physical weakness, I am talking about mental & emotional weakness.

You might ask why in the world I'd be so adamant in proclaiming my weakness. It isn't something to be proud of, right? Wrong. Up until today I would have not been so loud about my weaknesses but I have discovered a new light that has taken me to a whole other level of thinking.

Here I am in Walla Walla, WA. Just as American of a town as Asheville, NC or Collegedale, TN.  Although I didn't leave the country or venture off into the jungles this still was a HUGE step in my life. I have an anxiety disorder. I am a mommy & daddy's girl and I am afraid of pretty much all things under the sun. Going across the country to me was as big a step as any. I am weak. I had to leave a university because I could not handle the emotional turmoil I was being dragged through. I had to go home to recharge & renew my mind. I would have never guessed that my next step in life would be so far from home. I remember struggling to walk the halls of a school when I was only 12 because I was afraid to be so far from home and this school was less than a mile from my house. Does that make any sense? No, it doesn't. Which is why I can attest to the fact that I am in fact very very weak. I left home and attended boarding school at the young age of 14. It wasn't easy, I remember some nights that I'd wake up in a crazy panic attack. I'd take my phone and walk to the bathroom where I'd call my parents & beg them to come rescue me from my dismay. I graduated from the same school in 2009 where I boarded 3 of the 4 years. To tell you that I was able to accomplish all of that on my own would be a bold faced lie because I am weak. 


The places God has taken me, the journeys He has allowed me the strength to pursue are beyond my wildest dreams. I am a living testimony that in my weakness, His power is made perfect. 


I am emotional and for awhile I was ashamed of it. I was told by someone dear to me that I was too emotional. I am passionate & I wear my heart on my sleeve. These are all weaknesses. I am so weak. God is SO strong.

It wasn't until this morning as I was reading in my devotional that I realized how blessed I was in my weakness. My fragility enables me to lean on Christ in a way that not everyone else can. I NEED HIM. I can not accomplish much without Him. All that I am, I owe to Him. I empathize with Paul as he writes, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong". Amen & amen.


You don't know how liberating it is to boast about one's weaknesses. How much joy it brings to my heart to know that through God I am strong but only through Him. I am vulnerable to Him. So envision me on a top of a mountain screaming from the top of my lungs "I AM WEAK! but in Christ, I AM STRONG!". Praise God! a million times over PRAISE PRAISE GOD!

A Bittersweet Symphony.

WOW. that word doesn't even begin to cover my feelings right now. BLESSED. that word covers it a little bit more. JOYFUL. that definitely helps get the picture.

Southern Adventist University started classes today. I attended there my freshman year & half of my sophomore.  You know how people always say you don't know how much something means to you until you are gone...well it applies to this situation as well. The people there...how do I put what they are in one sentence....? not possible. To tell you that they hold a place in my heart that won't ever be substituted with anything else is an understatement. How can you spend so little bit of your life in a place and still feel as though without it you haven't lived at all. That sounds SO dramatic but I suppose I feel that way about all the places God has taken me. Mount Pisgah Academy, Charleston, Michigan, and now even Washington. For this post though I am going to focus on SAU because today was their day of glory.

The experiences I have there are endless. The memories are as countless as the times in the day that I twirl my  hair (which if you know me at all--you know how much that is!). The beautiful things about Southern is that I have so many different friends there that all share a different part of me. My high school friends, whom know me sometimes better than I know myself. My college friends, whom I sometimes feel I grew up with. Also, my elementary education major friends who I get to share things with that few of my other friends can understand. The lists are endless and I am blessed, blessed, blessed!

Today I felt so honored because on this triumphant beginning of another school year my dear friends all from different areas of my life individually sent me greetings. It is almost midnight here and I just finished my final conversation with one of my best comrades. The things I learn from my many friends are incredible. They help me grow! They help me challenge myself to greater heights! I wouldn't be who I am today without them.

God, thank You! I pray that You bless them this year! Give them more laughs, memories, & triumphs. I wish so badly that I could join them but I know that isn't the plan. I am grateful for the distance because it helps me appreciate them so much more than if I saw them everyday. When you spend time with people, you can't help but share a little bit of your soul with them. I suppose that is why you need to be so careful with who you spend time with. haha!

I am on cloud 9 because I know God loves me SO much! I have seen His love through my friends. Don't even get me started on my family...haha!

Anyways, I just had to share that before I went to bed. Couldn't keep it in. God IS GOOD! He has us all in His hands and He isn't letting go.

Dear Southern Adventist University Students,

Have the BEST YEAR EVER! Keep God number 1 in your lives & I can't wait till we get to make more memories one day. Till then you are in my prayers & thoughts always.

Love you,

Eileen

Waiting on the World to Change.

WAIT.

A powerful 4 letter word that consumes my life. I am waiting for the school year to begin, I am waiting to go places and travel, I am waiting to make friends, I am waiting...etc. You get the picture? We are waiting for Jesus to come--now that is a BIG one.

Why do I have such a hard time waiting? Because I lack patience and this world doesn't offer very many opportunities for us to practice it. We live in a world of "instant gratification" and the results need to happen as soon as possible or else our attention moves elsewhere. Maybe I shouldn't stereotype and assume that everyone else struggles with my issue of waiting. I remember as a little girl my father telling me to wait on something and I would say dramatically "I CAN'T!" and he would say "This will teach you patience...". I am here to tell you that I still haven't learned the lesson and I am afraid I never will. I am still waiting to acquire this virtue, ironically enough.

The truth is, in all my eagerness to begin I fail to value the time I have in my hands while I wait. Where as I should be taking all this time I have to prepare and anticipate I fail because I am too busy "waiting". Once the anticipated time finally arrives am I prepared? Do I find myself fully geared or sitting in a chair thumping my foot on the floor counting the seconds passing? We often miss the beauty of the waiting period in which we can dream, hope, & prepare for what is to come. Are we waiting for opportunities, people, or situations to fall into our lap or are we preparing for when they do?

I think that this can apply to so many different aspects of our life; love, romance, friendships, events, & even retirement. We need to take advantage of every second and learn to embrace the moments of waiting. I need to soak in the joys and prepare for what is to come.

Right now I am waiting for SO MANY THINGS. I will not sit here and tell you that I have learned the beautiful art of waiting & preparing. Unfortunately, I am afraid I am not as fully prepared as I should be for what I am waiting for. So here is my ambition--to wait on the Lord  & be fully prepared so when the moment arises I will be able to stand firmly with my hands in the air ready to say "LET'S GO!".

"I waited patiently on the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry." Psalm 40:1

No Regrets.

It always amazes me how life takes you places you never thought you'd go. How every person God brings into your life effects who you are, what you will become, & where you will end up. You'd like to think that people don't have an effect on you, that you can surround yourself with whomever and it won't change who you are, but the truth is, it does.  It is incredible how sometimes you have to let go of people in your life and at the time you don't quite understand why but you realize that you had to let go in order to end up where you are today. I thank God for each moment that He has given me, each friend--even if we aren't friends today, and each door that has opened up into a new section of my life. To tell you that I live a life with no regrets would be a lie, I marvel at those who can boast proudly of the fact that they regret nothing they have done. I don't think they mean that every choice they made was the right one, but they have accepted them and moved on--allowing those choices to make them a better person rather than a bitter one. I think God is working in my heart to move into that direction of thinking.  I praise God for my triumphs as well as my failures! I praise God for molding me and continuing to mold me in to the person He created me to be.I still have so far to go but I know that I can make it as long as I remember where I am going.

You want to know the best part of this whole thing? I am not alone. I have so many friends all over the world that are starting this journey too. Each of them having chosen to set aside their lives for God. Although they are far away from me physically they are constantly inspiring me and encouraging me. I am a small part of a BIGGER picture! My prayers go out to ya'll & I love each of you so much!

I would love to go back in time to the previous Eileen and let her in on all that is to come, but at the same time the unknown is what makes this all so much more exciting! The blind faith, the horizon of opportunities, and the constant plea that God will show me which step to take next.

New Beginnings.

To say that I am blessed would in fact be an understatement. I am ashamed to say that at times I do not realize how blessed I really am and take it for granted. As for today, I had the blessing of riding my bike around town with the warm sunshine and a cool breeze. There is something extremely liberating of being able to ride your bicycle all over town whenever you'd wish. I haven't had the opportunity to do that in years, since I was 9 years old, to be exact.

I just bought my bike the other day, part of my new adventure here in Walla Walla, WA. I have been here about 4 weeks and I feel as though I just arrived yesterday, in some aspects, while in others I feel as if I have been here my whole life. It is a wonderful combination I believe, although at times I do feel quite alone.

The last two Sabbaths I have sat alone in church and while I was there today I came to the realization that up until these past two Sabbaths, I have never sat alone in church. I am very spoiled with a plethora of loved ones. It has been an interesting experience that I will not take for granted--being alone is something I believe I need to soak in and grow from, not shy away from.

Time is a luxury and right now I am a very rich young woman. Soon I will have no time at all and I need to really take advantage of my time now. It is easier said than done though as I often find myself wasting my time on pointless tasks and mindless activities. I need to stop and smell the flowers while I can & boy oh boy, there are several flowers here in Walla Walla! Everywhere I turn I see wild sunflowers growing on the way side. I am thrilled each time I see them. I don't think I'll ever get use to their beauty and I hope I don't.

Taken while on one of my bike rides in College Place, WA

I can't wait for the year to begin and to serve everywhere I can. I pray that I won't loose focus. The people that God has brought into my life so far have been a testament of His plan for my year here. He has blessed me with so much love already and I pray that I can return the love while I serve Him whole heartily. I am staying in a beautiful home & working with an awesome group of people. If the beginning of this chapter is a reflection of what is to come then BRING IT ON!